“How do I tell him that I love him?”

            “How do I tell her what she doesn’t want to hear?



Experts on relationships stress the need for open and honest communication. After all, why make our partners read our minds, when we have only to say what’s in our hearts? It sounds so easy, yet the practice is often as awkward as a blind date.

The problem is that we communicate with our lovers in the same way that we would like them to communicate with us.

Think about it, doesn’t it make more sense to communicate in a way that suits our lover’s emotional needs? Happily, by understanding your lover’s astrological sign, you can understand his or her needs and how to satisfy them.

For instance, although you may be a female Gemini who prefers communication delivered with wit and humor to lighten serious conversations, your pragmatic Capricorn lover may worry that you don't take the subject (or your relationship) seriously enough. Or as a sensitive Pisces who prefaces an in-depth talk with a lover by lighting candles, putting on music, and taking all the time in the world to speak your heart. . .your impatient Aries is just waiting for you to cut to the chase!

So let's look at the signs in the zodiac and understand how and why they prefer their particular style of communication. Then the next time you have something to get off your mind, or feel a deep desire to express what’s in your heart -- your communication skills will be cosmically perfect!



This fire sign is known for its impatience. It’s not that your lover doesn’t care to hear what you have to say, but Aries wants it communicated in less time than it takes for your hair to grow. So please, get to the point!

Most important, if Aries feels that you are cutting off their need for freedom (which they equate with oxygen), they will balk. So never issue ultimatums. That will only begin an argument that will turn Aries tone deaf to whatever else you have to say. Instead, get this fiery lover -- who welcomes a challenge -- involved in coming up with the solution to your problem. Aries likes nothing better than to take charge and to be the leader of the pack. Lsetting this lover feel that the whole brilliant solution was his or her idea, may be slightly manipulative, but in love or war strategy is everything.

Also, Aries not only knows how to give honest communication (sometimes so blunt it draws blood), but knows how to take it as well. If you play head games with your lover, he or she will know it and it will be a definite turn off. In the same way, if you’re too shy to say what’s really on your mind, just know that any passive-aggressive behavior used to get your message across (are you listening, Cancer?), will have Aries calling the airlines.

Of course, your lover has to work at communication as well, so remind him or her that if Mars (their ruling planet) sparks their infamous Aries temper, you will stop trying to communicate and take time out.  Then go back to your respective corners, take a few deep breaths, calm down, and come out loving for all its worth!

How to communicate with Aries: Do not be cute, do not be coy, don’t play any head games. Simply say what you mean, and mean what you say!



This earth sign is ruled by Venus and although sensuality comes as naturally as breathing, deep communication (and we’re not talking about “honey, was that good for you?) is more of a challenge. In fact, dependable Taurus might be known for having everyone’s favorite shoulder to lean on and to cry on, but less known is their difficulty in communicating their own feelings. Especially when those feelings are mixed with jealousy, insecurity, fear, annoyance and a host of other daytime drama emotions. Instead of open communication with you, Taurus is most likely to swallow frustrations and steam in silence. 

Since you care about this lover, and you know what happens when a pressure cooker erupts, you need to open a healthy channel of communication. But how?

First of all, remember that Taurus has a deep need for security and equates change with an attack on their comfort level. Plus when the bull (their astrological symbol) feels threatened, they usually dig their heels in – refusing to give up the familiar without a fight, and chances it will happen just when your red cape and toreador pants are at the cleaners!

So the next time you want some honest conversation, think of breaking up your message into thirds. . .broach the first third, later the second third and so on. Be sure to put your love into words, making him or her feel as secure as possible. Little by little, gently, gently, without causing a seismic shake in your lover’s comfort level, you will express what you want to gain and what you both will gain from an open exchange of ideas: translation: communication!   

How to communicate with Taurus: Remember that your lover is a very sensual, and communicating in the bedroom (but not before and definitely not during!) will guarantee a receptive and relaxed audience!



Being an air sign with a need for mental stimulation, Gemini loves ideas only a little less than they love to talk about them. However, although they can entertain a hundred ideas at once, they are less terrific at listening to just one. Gemini’s attention span can rival that of a gnat, and their eyes loose focus as their minds fly away to distant realms

How to communicate? Well, of course you have to hold this lover’s interest, but since you were fascinating enough to have captured Gemini’s imagination in the first place, you no doubt have the talent to do it again.

Happily, nothing captures this lover’s imagination like mind games, and when you mix mental gymnastics with some juicy gossip (a pastime that Gemini finds highly seductive), he or she will be totally fascinated. So here’s the plan: you begin by saying: “I heard something really interesting. . . then talk about the subject that’s been keeping you awake nights. When your lover finally asks, “who did you hear that from?” You can smile enigmatically and admit, “I heard it listening to myself think!”

As your Gemini’s mouth falls open, so will the door to communication swing wide open, and he or she will love the chase of keeping up with your mental gymnastics.

When you finally begin to talk seriously, remember that this sign hates boredom and appreciates being entertained. Keep it light, keep it witty  (unless you’re admitting the return of an old lover), and if you pepper your communication with an occasional “did you know?” Gemini will be spellbound, because they love to know everything!

How to communicate with Gemini: Wait until the end of the day after this hyper energetic sign has talked, chatted, gossiped, and is ready to lay back and listen . . . just try to stay awake while waiting!



This lover often confuses communication with confrontation, and Moon Children never approach anything head-on. The result is, like their astrological symbol the Crab, they take the indirect route and create situations that cause you to react. However, even if your reaction comes from your heart, how you express it could mean either a night of love or a night on the couch.

So your goal is to fulfill your Moon Child’s need to feel secure, safe and loved. Once that is accomplished, he or she will be relaxed enough to replace fear of losing you with faith in you.

The first step is to take your time. Remember, this is not Aries who talks with one eye on his watch, but a lover who needs to feel your unconditional love. Cancer knows all too well that the time you’re taking to soothe and communicate is one of love’s greatest gifts.

Because this lover is so vulnerable to rejection, first make him or her feel safe and secure. Did you know that touching and holding gives Cancer the sense of emotional security that is so important? Next, preface what you have to say with words both positive and complimentary, then gently communicate what’s on your mind. 

Most important, Cancer is very intuitive, and will immediately know if anger is lurking just below the surface, and if you really prefer to karate chop them instead of hug them. So if you’re angry, go for a walk, calm down, and wait before trying to communicate. How long to wait? Until you can feel the love and caring that made you want to be with this person in the first place.

How to communicate with Cancer: Moon Children like to be stroked, quite literally, so remember that talking and touching is the tactile way to their heart.



Being a born entertainer, communication comes easily to Leo. Actually, this fire sign can dramatize a weather report, so imagine what he or she can do with your announcement: “Sweetheart, we really have to talk.”

Leo’s ego will immediate flash a red alert, shaken that he or she hasn’t lived up to their past reviews as the crème de la crème of lovers.

Just remember that Leo has a need to feel special and unique, and this is never more apparent than in their relationships. When in love, Leo not only needs to feel “one of a kind,” he or she wants to hear it from your own lips. To a great extent, Leos see themselves through their lover’s eyes, and so they will digest your communication better when mixed with the savory spice of flattery!

You know the expression “flattery will get you anywhere”? Well, letting this lover know how much you appreciate having someone to talk to who is so open minded, so flexible, so intelligent etc. . . gets you a Leo whose ego feels deliciously stroked, secure and loved. It gets you a lover who has replaced the fear of losing you with a loving faith in you, and finally, it gets you a Leo who is now open, confident, ready and willing to communicate.

When you think about Leo’s romantic nature, generosity and singular ability to bring warmth and sunshine into the grayest day, well flattery should come easily. Remember this advice and you will find your Leo always willing to share the spotlight in communications. . . just never ask for top billing!

How to communicate with Leo: By putting into words how important, special and unique this lover is, and satisfying their need for recognition, the lion/ess will be purring like a kitten.   



Mercury, the planet of communication rules this sign, and your lover loves to discuss ideas. However, just because cerebral Virgo enjoys analyzing you, doesn’t mean that he or she is willing to expose their own deepest feelings. Try it and you will see how quickly they will hurry back to dissecting your psyche!

So how do you get Virgo to let you “get off the couch” and talk about the two of you?

The first step to meaningful communication is to realize that Virgo has a need to feel needed. Virgo’s favorite hobby is finding flaws in you, themselves and in anything that looks too good to be true . . . not because they are terminally negative, but because it’s part of their astrological makeup to find the problem and then help to solve it! So it makes sense to present him or her with a problem that, you admit to your lover, you haven’t been able to solve without their help.

But what if your lover is the cause of your frustration? Well, asking for Virgo’s problem-solving skills should still be a diabolical success. You see, even if your lover is an integral part of the problem, just-tell-me-what’s-wrong Virgo will not be able to resist trying to find a solution!

However, remember that for all their mental ability, Virgo harbors a deep insecurity about themselves. They are the only sign to feel like the smartest person in the room, and the least lovable – all at the same time! So when talking about their faults, be gentle and give equal time to building up your lover’s ego.

How to communicate with Virgo: in the place of emotion (hold those tears, anger & guilt) substitute a logical argument, liberally laced with love.



The astrological sign for Libra is the balance scale, judging, weighing options, trying to find harmony -- and when there is a problem in your relationship, he or she is thrown totally off balance. Happily, with their need for intimacy, just the act of communicating will help Libra regain emotional footing

Actually, Libra gets top cosmic honors for being open to communication. They not only realize there are two sides to every story, but will respect your point of view and be willing to listen to it, how rare is that! You also have a host of other Libran qualities working in your favor. For instance, making communication even sweeter is Libra’s love of partnership, followed by a willingness to compromise, an innate fairness and a clear objectivity.     

If you’re used to trying to communicate with the stubbornness of Taurus, the emotion of Pisces, or the drama of Leo, communicating with Libra should be a cosmic breeze.

Don’t forget to choose the right backdrop for communication, because where you say it is just as important as what you say.

You see, when in a stressful, negative environment, your lover can become almost physically ill, and so choose a place that will be most relaxing and soothing. Knowing that Libra has an aesthetic eye and loves beauty … you might want to exchange an intimate talk in a kitchen with last night’s dinner dishes in the sink, for an afternoon by a lake (or at least wash the dishes!)

However, be warned that at times (like most of the time!) Libra likes to weigh options. So, don’t expect a quick resolution to your problem. . .just one that may come in your lifetime!

How to communicate with Libra: Promise your lover that your partnership is as important to you as it is to him or her. Then let your cooperation and compromise prove it.



Trying to communicate with Scorpio, on a deep and personal level, is not a job for the faint of heart. Scorpio’s need for privacy and to keep their secrets, are hard barriers to cross. However, when you understand that they stem from your lover’s fear of being controlled, then you will feel less “shut out” and more sympathetic.

Know also that Scorpio has a deep yearning for intimate contact (hopefully with you). In fact, Scorpio not only represents sex in the zodiac, but the need to merge totally with another, physically, mentally and spiritually. All of these emotional needs are the key to communication, but you must build trust first. By caring without probing questions, without suspicions, but with faith that your love will be returned, you will build the trust that Scorpio needs to open up and show vulnerability.

As your relationship strengthens, Scorpio’s paranoia will lessen and the door to communication will open. However, don’t charge through that door with combat boots and a barrage of questions that will send you back to square one. No mind games please, because this sign has the original copyright on mind games and trust will crumble.     Scorpio’s thinking is always tactical, so state clearly what is at risk to lose without communication, and what is a win for you both via honest talk. If you have been patient, smart and wise -- if you have built up a foundation of trust --  your lover will honor that by communicating his or her thoughts, fears, hopes and love.

How to communicate with Scorpio: No mind games, only a respectful and honest expression of your thoughts. . .plant the seeds and let trust nourish them.



This lover usually takes more of a philosophical view of life, preferring to see the big picture when communicating, instead of getting bogged down in emotions. What’s more, not only does this fire sign possess the ability to see the big picture, but to paint it with a wonderful, life-loving sense of optimism. Their glass is always half full, and so if you’re thinking of beginning to speak coming from a negative place, ‘tis better not to come at all!

What you have going for you is the Sagittarian need to do the right thing. Fairness is high on their list. That means that when you communicate with this fire sign, they will most likely ask themselves “If I give what is being asked of me, what will be the result – happiness or pain? What will be really just and fair?” Yes, results are important to your lover, and because he she is usually wiser than not, your Sagittarius will want to know what the consequences of their actions will be sooner than later.

But how can you satisfy your lover’s need to do the right thing, with as much certainty as possible, especially when life’s motto is “expect the unexpected!”

Begin by discussing possibilities. What will happen if you both go forward with what each of you wants? Discuss your hopes. What will happen if you back off? Are you left with just fears? And what will happen if you stand still? Are you left with nothing? If progress, indecision or atrophy seem to be your choices, settle in for a long discussion because, as you no doubt know, Sagittarius loves to debate, lecture, sometimes proselytize and, when at his or her worst, pass moral judgment on Mother Teresa.

A word of caution: Sagittarius can be so optimistic that they sometimes overpromise, so make sure that if your communication results in a commitment, that it be realistic and that Sagittarius will be able to deliver.

How to communicate with Sagittarius: Bring optimism to what you are saying, and remember that your lover is more concerned with right, wrong, fairness and justice than with emotions.



Since we live in an imperfect world, Capricorn’s need for perfection is a goal fated for frustration and frequent blues. So you might spend a good deal of time trying to get your lover to lighten up, play a little and live a lot longer.

One of Capricorn’s more positive traits is being ready to scale any mountain (their astrological symbol being the sure-footed goat) in the pursuit of a goal. When you ask for serious communication, expect this lover to approach the challenge with disciplined thinking, a backup of facts, and a high expectation of success. In short, your goat is going to climb that mountain of meaningful communication no matter how long it takes. Your job is to inspire your Capricorn lover to take the first step.

Usually in a worry mode about something yet to be done, this earth sign will be more open to what’s on your mind if not being reminded of what’s being neglected while with you. A walk in the woods or anywhere there is natural beauty to soothe Capricorn’s overworked mind is the objective.

Capricorn can be a great sexual partner (remember the horny goat!) but communication can be as romantic as a date with Morgan Stanley. It’s best to be prepared: state your concern, present your facts (research is good, flow charts optional) and discuss different options to solving the problem. Try not to let anger, hurt, or any over-the-top emotion interfere. If you cannot agree, then be open to bringing in a third party (your lover’s mother is not a good idea) to finally reach a consensus. Whew!

However, hang in there – infuse what you say with an upbeat note of optimism (it’s catchy!) and two things will happen: Capricorn will become a true partner in your quest for a great relationship, and the art of “talking things out” will become as important a means of communication as a steamy embrace.

How to communicate with Capricorn: Do your homework, and appeal to your lover’s goal-oriented mind. Then show your appreciation, because ambitious Capricorn loves perks.



Since your lover is a product of this “loving-to-push-the-envelope sign” that has a need for progress and change, your communication might be in trouble if you argue for more of the same old, same old.

Aquarius has been called “the outraged idealist” who fights against control or authority and simply wants to do his (or her) own thing. If it doesn’t jive with what everyone else is doing, that’s their problem, got it?

For instance, if you tell your lover that you want something done a certain way because “it’s always been done that way” – get out of the way, because Aquarius will be bolting for the door. To this rebel, when something has always been done a certain way, that’s the reason to do it differently.

So when communicating with your lover, try to come up with a fresh idea, a new perspective and a solution different than the one that obviously isn’t working. Also, dust off your flexibility, because, because communication with Aquarius is going to involve compromise.

Begin by appealing to the idealist in your lover – the person who sees a better world and is willing to break the rules, and dares to venture into unknown territory in order to do it.

In fact, if you need this Aquarius to do or say something that might usually be considered too “yesterday” and conservative for their tastes – ask if they care about establishing domestic peace at home as much as they do about world peace? And would that end justify a compromise? Of course, we’re not talking about something life-changing life taking like giving up dreams for a 9 to 5 job in insurance claims, but something as simple as asking Aquarius to not wear flip flops to a family’s Sunday dinner, and how about putting that snake tattoo where the sun doesn’t shine instead of down the side of your neck? Not demanding mind you, only asking for compromise with love and, hopefully, humor as well.

How to communicate with Aquarius: Your probably won’t get it all your way, but the spirit of compromise will go a long way in making your love last.



This water sign offers the depths of compassion and the height of forgiveness – what better character traits to ensure meaningful communication? However, the art of communication is a delicate balancing act between two people with very different strengths and weaknesses, so please bring objectivity, common sense and focus to the party, because Piscean judgment is often washed away in waves of emotion.

Begin by outlining the problem and making sure that you both see it in the same way. This lover, ruled by Neptune the planet of illusion, has a need to transcend reality, and while you probably fell in love with that mystical, magical quality in the first place, it can mean a very subjective perspective that will benefit from a reality check.

Although you may differ on how you got to your present problem, resist playing the blame game. Pisces will readily accept blame for a relationship problem (along with blame for bad weather and the Middle East conflict!) because they often play the victim. Also, don’t try to take all the blame yourself out of love for your partner, because that will invite your Pisces to play another favorite role: the savior 

When you find yourself trying to love Pisces, a victim and a savior, you may need a king-size bed!

Instead, concentrate on what the reality is, not how you got there (not for the moment anyway), and calmly, rationally and lovingly discuss the problem. Being harsh with a lover is never a good idea and it will prove fatal to a relationship with romantic, sensitive, and easily bruised Pisces.      

Let your lover know that guilt is a wasted emotion, that it takes two to create a relationship impasse, and that it will take two  -- with love and caring --  to discuss it, resolve it and forget it. If you do it right, the victim and savior will move out of your bedroom, leaving just you and Pisces to love happily ever after!

How to communicate with Pisces: Be as sensitive of your lover’s feeling but bring objectivity and focus to your communication and skip the Kleenex!










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